And just like that almost a year has gone by with no writing. I’m not sure why other than time and sometimes I just don’t know how to put all the things into words. Other times I want to say something but I don’t want it to seem like an attention getter so I just say nothing. (You know, like the passive aggressive FB post or the one with the urgent, unspoken prayer request.) Either way, I’m going to attempt to do better. (I know, famous last words…ha!)

The last year has been one the hardest I have faced, both personally and professionally. If I can figure out how to sum it up, I certainly will. For now, I am enjoying summer and my family and the camps and vacations…but I also enjoy writing so there’s hope that words will be found. Cheers friends!

The picture you see represents another Target trip where I was buying things for my classroom. (Everyone knows teachers spend their own money on supplies.)

While the sweetest woman is checking out, a man walks up behind me and starts loading his things on the belt. As she is ringing up 24 folders, she looks at me and says, “teacher?” I laugh and say yes and she continues with the other things I’ve got. The man behind me starts asking me where I teach and he says he is a Phoenix Police officer and fills in as an SRO on different campuses. We talk back and forth and the he asks if school is paying for these supplies. I laugh and say no. He proceeds to take out his wallet and hand me $30 in cash. I was shocked, and he insisted that I take it. When the supplies I bought only came up to $10, I tried to give him the $20 back and he said “no, I know you spend a lot and it will go to your classroom.”

Meanwhile, the sweet cashier and I were almost in tears and she was yelling across the aisle to the other cashier telling her what happened. It made my day, and maybe my school year. Such kindness from a stranger who sticks his neck out every day for me and others. I am just so thankful.

Do you know people who have to know everything? Like every detail because the NEED to know. And then they tell you what you already knew? Yeah, me too.

If I’m honest, I’ve always struggled with these people. They ask a lot of questions and it can feel intrusive but I’m not good at not answering because I also don’t want to be rude. I’ve been known to be more trusting than I should and I can go deep fast. Although maybe not a bad quality, not great when you don’t put boundaries in place and aren’t wise with who you share information with. That’s what knowledge is- information.

The definition from a quick google search says, “facts, information, and skills acquired by a person through experience or education, the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject.” So by definition knowledge isn’t a bad thing. We need to know how to read, how to write, specific skills to do our jobs, how to do laundry and cook an egg. But when does knowledge cross the line? When does it cause harm?

I would say that knowledge becomes dangerous when you use it for your gain- to look smart, in the know, or popular. When you know the information and you share it. Christians have been doing this for years and calling it a “prayer request.” That’s not what it is. It is hurtful. My favorite is when someone tells me something about my kids or my job like it is news, but I already knew it. People use knowledge to gain position, to one up, to make sure they have the upper hand. Maybe people use knowledge so they feel like they have something to offer because of insecurity?

Wisdom, on the other hand, is something different. One definition says, “the soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application or experience, knowledge, good judgment.” That word soundness- it says everything to me. It is “the quality of being based in valid reason or good judgment.” In short, wisdom is taking knowledge and exercising good judgment.

We live in an age where knowledge is at our fingertips 24/7. Don’t know, just ask Siri or Alexa. Google takes a half of a second to give you an answer. We are inundated with knowledge and news and it can be amazing but it can also be terrifying. I believe our society is filled with knowledge but lacks wisdom. And don’t misread like I think I am wise, because I am not.

I tell my kids and students to make wise decisions, meaning use the knowledge you have to make the sound decision. I am not raising idiots. I hope that my kids use knowledge not for power but to inform and choose wisdom. (And I am not naive to think they won’t at times, be idiots.)

I hope I become wise. I hope I measure my words and don’t use knowledge “just because;” that would be reckless. I hope our society takes a turn towards wisdom. There are a lot of keyboard warriors right now and there is a lot of half truth floating around from all sides of every issue and argument. What if we all stopped and asked if what we were saying or doing was wise? What would the world be like? What would our communities be like?

James 1:5 says “Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God— who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly— and it will be given to you.” I don’t know about you, but I’m asking for wisdom. Sometimes it is wisdom to speak and sometimes it is wisdom to remain quiet. I would much rather by quietly wise than loudly foolish.

Also, there’s a lot going on. Personally, there are people I love fighting cancer, taking in foster kids and babies, looking for jobs, fighting mental illness, fighting for their kids, fighting for marriages, and finding a new way in a life they once knew. If those are the things going on in my circles, I would imagine you have things in your circles as well. I don’t have wise answers to any of life’s problems but I can pray and consider it a privilege. If you need prayer, please let me know. I would love nothing more than to pray for you.

I have the ability to go deep pretty quickly. I enjoy conversations that are about the every day but I really enjoy those conversations that have substance too. I have, at times, been too vulnerable too fast and it has burned me. I am still learning how to guard my heart and not give away too much too soon. I am learning to pray that if God wants me to speak, he’ll make it clear. And He does.

Then there are those times when I am not supposed to open my mouth and I do. (Insert face palm here.) I wish I could learn to keep the words inside. It probably costs me hours of time spent regretting and reformatting words, when I let the words out. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not necessarily saying anything wrong but maybe the wrong timing, the wrong audience, or the wrong tone. Ugh. I am determined after my last episode of insert-foot-into-mouth, to do better.

I want my words to be helpful and kind and like honey. I am a work in progress with this. My words aren’t alway helpful or kind and can be not at all sweet. So, I’m trying to do better. I am hopping that the try turns into progress. I’m not perfect so progress is good for now.

So here’s to sweet sounding words that are used for helping and not hurting. Here’s to yielding even when I want to speak because I need to go back and trust that God’s got whatever it is. Here’s to resting and knowing His hand holds me and the people I love.

It has been a hot minute (or year +) since I have written a word. Goodness, I am not exactly sure why other than I got busy.

I am working full time now, teaching second grade. Between this and my family with 2 kids swimming every night after school, it does not leave a lot of time. But this, is an excuse.

Many times I think about something that I could write and then forget the idea or just think that no one wants to hear it. Even though I don’t have a vast audience (pretty sure there are 2 people who read this 😉 I don’t want to just put content into the world that doesn’t matter. I don’t want to add to the noise of a world that is already so loud. I want to make someone think or smile or laugh.

So I’m hoping to write more. Not because I want all these people to read my words or because I have really important things to say (I don’t), but because writing is something I enjoy. By nature, I am a very slow processor- I read slowly and really think about words- just ask Adam about heated discussions…I have learned that I need to take some time to gather my thoughts and often, I write them because I can see and process through them better.

We spent 7 nights away, on a beach in the Dominican Republic for spring break. It was the perfect balance of activity and slow. There was actual rest. I didn’t feel tired at the end of our time there- I actually felt rested and I can’t remember the last time that happened! I read 2 books from cover to cover, which is a miracle but also a goal. (As my 2nd graders know, my goal for 2022 is to read one book a month…I failed in Feb but made up for it in March!)

One of the books I read was called “Undistracted.” It is Bob Goff’s newest book. If you known me for any length of time, you know that I love Bob Goff. I mean, how do you not love someone who takes office hours on Tom Sawyer’s Island at Disneyland?! (I am hoping to meet him there one day and talk about loving people well.) When Will emailed him and found out he had a new book coming out a while ago, I got really excited because he just has a way of writing that feels like you’re having a conversation with him and he is an incredible story teller (and has a lot of stories to tell). Basically, I’m saying you should read his book, like start today.

My biggest take away was that I am indeed living distracted. The daily chores and responsibilities have gotten in the way of me truly living my purpose and being intentional. And when I say purpose, I don’t have this grand plan. I believe my purpose is to love God and love people. I mean, Jesus said it so if feels right to me. But when I am distracted, my focus is not on Jesus or the people around me but rather the task or project at hand. So much could be different if I just focused on Jesus all the time. I think if I did, I wouldn’t miss the people around me.

So, I want to live undistracted. I know this will take intention and time and it won’t happen over night but I know it is possible. (Probably not always, I am not perfect and never will be.) Being undistracted, being present, being intentional- those are good things and good goals. So I’m going to do it. I am going to work at doing those things and am going to try to love people better, try to notice them and have words for them that come from Jesus not me. I don’t have enough patience or grace a lot of times- especially for the ones that have hurt me. If Jesus could forgive on the cross, I can forgive as well. I mean, not because I can on my own but because of the power of the Holy Spirit in me.

I don’t think this undistracted life will be easy to live, especially in a world that seems so full of distraction and information, but I do think it will be the best life I can live.

There’s a lot to be said about 2020.

It’s no doubt a year that will be studied in the future and a year our kids will tell their kids about. There was a lot to it.

It started normally…school back in session, plans being made, all the things that make a new year what it is.

But then everything got flipped (turned upside down).

It doesn’t matter where you lived, worked, went to school, played…your life was impacted in 2020.

It’s really easy to dwell on the hard, bad parts of the year. For me, I went from some alone time to completely surrounded 24/7. (And yes, I realize that is very first world.) And while I was completely surrounded, it was one of the loneliest times I can remember. It was a year where I mourned friendships and wondered where I went wrong. It was a year where I mourned with friends. It was a year where I mourned with my kids as they were faced with disappointment after disappointment.

2020 was a heavy year, and if you are a mom, you probably felt the weight of the world on your shoulders. I felt so responsible for everyone. Were we quiet enough so Adam could work? How were my kids? How was Adam? I felt like I carried everyone’s mental health, mine included. And I can’t imagine anyone escaped the year without considering their mental health. Some of us had skills to cope (and counselors to call) and others found them.

2020 was definitely hard. But as I told my 3rd graders before we left for winter break, as we prepare for a short return to virtual, we can do hard things. Not one of them kept their hands down when I asked them who thought virtual was hard or who thought not seeing friends and family was hard or who thought wearing a mask all day was hard. But we did all of those things!

We can do hard things.

We learned to talk more in our house. We are learning to express how we feel with each other. Adam and I want to know when we’ve said something wrong. We want to talk through these things. 2020 taught us to do this. If we didn’t have as much time at home, together, we would have probably missed this.

We learned to enjoy each others company. We’ve played games, done puzzles, watched movies (the entire Marvel collection), played outside, went for hikes (maybe I’ll learn to like it), cooked together and sat and talked together. The togetherness this year brought us was a new level and I am thankful for that time (although I wouldn’t mind having a few minutes to myself again).

We had plenty of canceled plans. Trips canceled, parties canceled, events canceled. On the other side though, I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to going on vacation and getting on a plane. Those were things I definitely took for granted. It’s a perspective shift and I am so thankful for the things I’ve been able to do.

The whole year has been a perspective shift. We’ve pivoted and been flexible and really embraced the comfort wear. We’ve taken classes on zoom, had happy hours on zoom, sat in parking lots with friends, bought masks in a million different patterns and laughed along the way. I’ve become the barber, still the chef, and a little bit of tech support (yet the teenager is way better at that.)

If 2020 has taught us anything, it is that we have a choice. We can do the hard things or not. We can be flexible, or not. We can trust, or not. As for me, I’ve had my days were I want to stay in bed and cry but I have a choice. I’m choosing the hard stuff, the stuff that makes me stronger. I’m choosing to adjust and be flexible because chances are, Christmas with family would be postponed…and it was. And I am continuing to trust that God holds all of it and all of us in his hands. Why he allows certain things, we may never know…at least not on this side of heaven, but I know he’s got it. And I know if because he’s done it before.

Thank you, Lord, that we are on the other side of 2020…almost. Thank you for guiding my family and I through this hard, good year. Thank you for the lessons we’ve learned and the way you’ve comforted us through it all. Thank you for being trustworthy and always there. May we all go into 2021 with hearts full, cautiously optimistic and loving all the people around us.

Happy New Year, friends. Cheers to 2021.